Victoria Gigante - Organize Your Life - Life Coaching and Organizing. How do I confront her about it without looking like the bad guy?

You looked in the cell phone for a reason, right? Perhaps your girlfriend suddenly added a password to her phone. So what do you do? Well this same theme plays out in many different ways in relationships. You must be able to trust your partner, and you must be able to trust yourself. Stop trying to control the situation and start taking responsibility for what you can control: For all of you that have already checked the cell phone, and that stumbled upon some suspicious text messages or phone calls, I gently say to you wake up.

But I am saying that if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck: What really prompted your concern? Was it an old wound? Go and have a real conversation about that twisting feeling in your gut. What did you find?

Share your story below. The more you do this, the easier it will become. Where do I stand with privacy laws if I caught my spouse sending pornographic photos of herself?

Can they be used as evidence in court? What do you hope to gain by going to court with your spouse? I love the point of speaking up and being honest about it. It was scary to be honest and vulnerable but it made me feel a lot more at ease about the situation and things never became a problem.

By being open and honest, you gave your ex-girlfriend the opportunity to approach the situation with more awareness. When we are in a positive, healthy relationship, this is a good thing! If you confront or lead on to believing that something bad might be happening, then your likely to make that person protect or destroy the evidence now that they know that you know something.

If you have a gut feeling do what you can to gather the info you need to make a decisions you can feel comfortable with to move on. The way you feel is evidence enough that something is off. Why would you want to be in a relationship that leads to you feeling like you want to snoop around and gather evidence?

If your gut is telling you there is something to snoop for, then that is all you need to confront your partner. She will keep you in stand-by until she will realize which feelings are more stronger.

Everyone trusting in their guts,but if you cannot prove nothing,even if is true,you cannot win in front of her. Without proving,you will live in one endless dilemma. She will help her to decide. You know,Victoria,just tell us,for the man: How she can embracing,kissing,making love and sleeping next to her man,when in the meanwhile she has someone else in her life?

Can you tell us,to men? NO PROOF IS NEEDED to address THIS issue. I encourage you to look at these beliefs in greater depth before entering into any future relationships. There cant be secrets and marriage. There cant be password nor anything hidden in marriage. When you decide to marry someone and go before God and confirm the vows before Godwhat makes you think you can play with others peoples lives. Why do you need passwords or code what are you hiding?

Its sad to hear people talk about marriage relationship and say its about trust. I personally believe that you should be an open book and the day you decide to cheat or hide things from the person you say you love you become worth anything. Grow up people look up at God and do was right. You only hurting yourself. Because it just prove that your feelings were on the dot.

Trust is something you earn. Respect if something you give. The previous comment shows you are a feminist. Your comments reflect the belief of a feminist utopia that does not exist. So the above poster is asking, how can she do this to me when I provide for her, yet go and sleep with another man. He does not have any limiting beliefs, he has his life experiences and understanding of the society he lives in to base his thoughts. Does it come off a little harsh?

But you have to come to terms with reality. Hi Victoria, you seem to have a grasp on things about relationships. Could you claify to me if I should be worried or not about this? However then i started texting her around this time last year and asked her to be my girlfriend about 11 months ago.

Over that year we were not dating, she dated a previous boyfriend of hers. She told me upfront that she would still talk to him and I am fine with that, but here is my question: I do not try to read her texts nor do I believe that is right, but I have noticed that she does not have the name at the top of the screen just the persons number.

Also, when she is texting her girlfriends she does not hide the screen from me. I feel like I trust her with my life, but it just worries me that she seems to be hiding things from me, do you have any ideas as to how I should ask her why she does this?

If you read what you wrote — you articulated this situation beautifully. Come from a place of love. For me, with my gf who we have been together for almost 4 years now, this has worked for us, i told her what i know about the situation and she will explain everything, if she believes something is not right she say it to me, and if she have some proofs she give them to me. We had been having serious problems. Problems that I raised about our compatibility and that he could not address by compromising.

But then I was ill and had to do a lot of traveling. I was angry and distant. And I noticed he, too was distancing. So I planned my escape, which I had wanted to do prior to this discovery — and waited a few days until I could collect my belongings, say good-bye to his kids, bring his stuff over, to tell him it was over —not because of the dishonesty which I only revealed to him at the endbut because of the earnest feelings I had had and the hopes I had had, but in the end it could not work.

I knew enough to end it without having taken that final step.

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Thank you for sharing, Laurie. Do use it as evidence that your gut instincts and emotions are not only valid, but that they are also spot on.

They are trying to tell you something. You owe it to yourself to listen! You and your gut are full of crap, what are you some kind of homewrecker? Now you have a complex, so you advise everyone to run before you get hurt. Versus identify the real issue, gain clear understanding of why it occurred, asses the damage mostly emotionaldevelope avenues to improve your relationship, implement and see what happens.

Gut feelings are for Vegas, not humans. Thank you for your comment. In addition, if you love someone, you respect them enough to NOT violate their trust, and to have an OPEN and HONEST conversation about how you feel FIRST. This applies to both the person that is thinking about hiding other love-interests in their phone, as well as the person thinking about checking the phone based on a gut feeling. Actually if your gut is telling you something is up there could be many reasons.

And you could be totally off and wrong. When your gut yells somethings up investigate. My story…my girl of 10 years. I adopted her son gave her everything she ever wanted had another son with her.

Then she started abusing drugs. And my gut was right. She started cheating when she was supposed to be repairing. So I got the proof from the phone and booted her ass for good. The proof was the only way I was gonna be able to cut ties. NOW IS MY TIME to follow my gut and not get back into it. Your guts may be true or not, its your time to know.

Thank you for your thoughts. The point, however, is that a conversation is a much more powerful place to start. If you truly feel the need for proof there is obviously already a trust issue. But you could ASK your partner to show you there phone and avoid violating THEIR trust by sneaking behind their back.

I agree with you about following your gut, but I also think that it could be a sign of your own issues that need to be worked on.

What if the person has some serious insecurity issues that are causing the mistrust? Both are very serious issues that need to be discussed because without trust, a relationship is doomed.

Yes, insecurity in any form can destroy a relationship, as can a lack of trust. The point is that SOMETHING is off. And as you mentioned, these issues need to be discussed. Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now. Clearly there are some trust issues in your relationship.

How are you going to handle this situation moving forward? You have options i. Are you both truly happy with each other? These are tough questions to consider, but essential to your movement forward. I hear about trusting your gut a lot. For me to go into detail about my situation, it would be a novel, or saga, whichever way you would look at it. My girlfriend and I started off as friends and talked at length on a daily basis.

There was an interest there but neither of our situations allowed it, in part because we lived several states away from each other. We had known each other for around 15 or 16 years but back then were nothing more than acquaintances. As time went on our interest in each other grew and we spoke of moving closer to each other. She has been going through a lot with a sociopathic ex husband as well as some serious health issues.

I have always been an ear for her and had a shoulder for her to cry on if she needed. I still do both. We had not seen each other in person until after 4 months of talking over the phone several hours a day. During this time she had been talking about her ex almost incessantly and truthfully, it was beginning to drive me away some.

She spoke of him so much so that I chose to go out on a date with another woman. What makes that so bad is that the last time the other woman and I went out on a date was a few days before the woman who became my girlfriend came for our first time together, face to face. I would still get texts from the other while my girlfriend was there.

I did not want to crush her by being cold and it took me a few days of this to understand I could not mince words. All of it was weighing heavily on me and I talked to my girlfriend about the other woman. She was not well and neither was I. I felt horrible and made her feel that way too. We had a very long talk and her feelings were understandably hurt.

The situation led into me awakening from sleep to her being on my computer, in my FB account and another instance to her being on my phone. I do not fault her for it, not one bit. To me though, it was a breach of trust and I was at fault. It was a bigger deal to me than many of my friends. In any case, while feelings were hurt, we managed to have open and honest discussions about it and chose to push forward.

I really do care for her and more so now, 7 months later. She was doing some modeling as extra income when we first began seeing each other and it made me feel a little uncomfortable because of some of the sessions. Not exactly the kind of photography I would show to my grandmother even though it was artistic. Initially, when asked about my thoughts on it I told her it was something I would rather not know about. We have always been able to discuss things sometimes after little spats rationally and I finally had the courage to talk to her and tell her really how it made me feel.

She decided to stop doing the shoots because she said that she no longer felt the need. It was during this time that she told me that I could look at her phone and her FB and that she had nothing to hide. I had done the same because if given a choice, I wanted and still want to spend the remainder of my days with her.

She is that awesome. She spends a lot of time chatting with her girlfriends and occasionally family, no big deal. Where my mind begins to wonder is the quantity of texts and notifications she gets. One day I did choose to take a look and see what all the noise was about. It surprised me to see texts conversations from photographers wanting more sessions with her.

One in particular seemed a little inappropriate for a business like relationship so I asked her about it. True but I know she has kept things from me about the photography considering I had told her I would rather not know. I created an issue. I failed her at the start and my feelings about what I had done is probably where my own questions come from.

People say men and women think differently but I am not so sure. To some degree yes but not too differently. We are all human and suffer with some of the same weaknesses.

In any case, after several spats, I find it so very difficult to fight the urge to check on her phone. It is her choice. I know much of it is in my own head and I have tried to do some research about why my mind goes to the places that it does.

Being able to trust when my heart is finally at peace has been the most challenging thing I have ever faced. I chose to be single for many years because after many failed attempts at relationships, I thought it safer to be alone. Then she came back into my life and my heart now rejoices in the fact that I have an intimate friend.

Someone I can share my thoughts with, show my ass to, be my nerdy self with and it is okay. She forgives me and loves me. People show love in different ways and I, for the most part, am still an emotional child.

What I do need though is to figure out how to take things day by day and learn to trust unconditionally. There is an old saying cliche? Without love there is safety in the heart.

How do I get to the place where I feel there is safety in love? I have lost parents, and a guardian all before the age of I battled depression for many years and am well acquainted with grief.

Heartache is not something I like at all so how do I let my guard down and truly be open enough to allow our love to grow? Tired of the same old same old. I want to make something new and am resigned to the fact that some things are beyond my control.

After talking to her about the text from that photographer that I thought was inappropriate, I ask myself whether or not she may be deleting things in case I choose to check again. While I HAVE wanted to, I am not.

If she really has given herself to me then I think I just need to be still. Do I just believe in fairy tales where everything is beautiful and perfect? I know I am not. Okay, sorry about the book. My life story is a boring read. Chris, I can see that you are suffering. But to respond directly to your question at the end of the post: When you decide to make yourself vulnerable, you are aware that you are opening yourself up to hurt and pain, heartache and loss.

But at the same time, you are also providing the necessary foundation for your love to grow. Feeling safety in a relationship is something that is felt deeply, right to our core. When that safety is violated, it can be very difficult to get back. Only you know if you are capable and willing to make yourself vulnerable again. These are not high expectations for a relationship; in fact, they should be your minimal requirements.

I will leave you with this Chris: What is your gut telling you? You know the answer. You know what needs to happen here. I am actually alright with everything. The main thing for me is to trust the true feelings that are there and recognize ghosts from the past. The suffering stems from a degree of self loathing that I know is in my nature. I do all I can to preoccupy my mind when it begins to wander.

Be it playing a carpenter or photographer. I go into what I call geek mode. I am a special effects technician and have always had a fascination with fire. Funny how things work out. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and for whatever reason she really seems to love me. That is what is so disconcerting.

The only people outside of my nuclear family that loves me unconditionally has been very close friends and their parents.

I guess that is the way things work. I just need to get over my insecurities and take it for what it is. Yes, there is a lot more to it than I have illustrated but ultimately, it is how I feel when I am with her that tells me all. Some wounds never heal and you can drive yourself crazu trying to understand why things happen the way they do.

Maybe it is denial, maybe it is acceptance but no matter which way you look at it, no matter what imaginations one may have, stop for a moment and appreciate the day. I try to stay positive. Always hoping to see a better day. You can do it to. There is a cliche that says to make lemonade out of lemons. I would do one better. I do appreciate your thoughts. It makes me stop and consider things.

I do that a lot anyways and good counsel never hurt anyone. I am rambling on now so… to any of you that may be reading this know this one thing. You can do anything you set your mind to and can have anything in this world. The question to ask yourself is this: What are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want? Oh Victoria, thank you for the words you have shared and for your positive outlook. I glean a little more understanding from our relationship each day.

To me, nothing is better than intimacy nonsexual with my beloved. I need to get over the insecurities and trust in things I cannot see. I need to work on faith. I just need a little. Have an awesome day! Thank you so much for sharing more of your thoughts, Chris! We flirted and chatted via email for almost two months before we met in person and right from his first few messages I was head over heals. He had met them on the site too — years before me though. Just two weeks later we were back together again.

We had agreed to be exclusive so I was furious! Again we split and just a week later were back together.

Every time something like this happens we split and make up. The reason for this is, we are best friends, we love an light and love and share everything — except this. I am highly intuitive — I can almost see images of him talking to other women when he gets home in the evening. I have found video recordings on his phone of the women at work bending over in tight jeans etc. Candice, I feel your pain. And I get it. More than you know. Do me a favor: Read it as objectively as possible.

Read it as though a best friend has written it to you asking for advice. What would you tell them to do? So what are you afraid of? I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago, then we re-connected and slept together at her request.

That night she was very forward and seemed to want me back in her life. She knew that my feelings for her were strong and that I take intimacy seriously. She told me she would get off the site. The interactions had no semblance of the romance, energy and desire of our first meeting. It broke my heart. I checked her phone again and saw she was texting some random guy she met on vacation this summer. She mentioned calling him in the text and these messages were all after we slept together and professed our love for one another.

I agree with this post, trust your gut. Checking the phone makes your legitimate concern over someones bad behaviour a character flaw. She betrayed our bond as two people who loved one another, and she acted selfishly at the expense of our bond.

Franz, Thank you for sharing the details of your experience. While it may have been a painful lesson for you to learn I know it was for me!

My girlfriend has texted multiple guys dirty stuff through text. I love her to death but I feel we need to split up, but part of me wants to work it out like I said she is my best friend. Hi Jason, Thank you for sharing a bit about your story. There is no right or wrong answer in this situation — only what works for you. Some things to consider: How does it make you FEEL when you think about your girlfriend texting other men dirty stuff? What prompted you to check her phone?

Would a best friend treat you this way? And again… how do you FEEL? You are stronger than you realize. We have such great times when we hang out though. Like it almost overrules the negative of what she does. It sounds like you have to make a choice: Acknowledge how you feel. I trusted my girlfriend very much when we first started our relationship. She wrote letters to a friend who was in rehab cause he was always there for her when she needed someone.

This was before I came in to the picture. I never met him but she assured me all the time that he was only a friend and that she never led him to believe that they could be together. Well months later I was looking through some of her old pictures on instagram from when we first started dating.

I ran into a picture she took of one of the letters she sent him. After that I lost my trust in her. I had her password to her Twitter and her Gmail and I also knew the pin code on her phone cause she had given me those at one point in time and I memorized them.

I snooped around her phone once and found Facebook msgs she had with this guy. She changed her pin lock after that. I continued to snoop around her private Twitter msgs and google chats. I ended up finding something last week on her Twitter msgs that really hit me hard.

I confronted her about that one and she was of course mad again and wondering how I got her password. She then said it was joke and that they are long time friends and that if she really did wanna do that she would have a long time ago.

Now we have agreed to be apart indefinitely. She has told me she only sees herself with me even till now she continues to say that even though I looked through her stuff.

First of all, thank you for being so honest and open in your sharing. I can tell that this is a painful situation. I really want you to consider this line that you wrote: The foundation of your relationship is now one based on distrust: What goes through your head when you think about being alone?

Where do you feel it in your body when you think about not being with her? Is this a FEAR BASED reaction? I know things are a great deal more complicated in relationships; but without trust, do you really see a future with this person? Do you want to live in fear? If you do decide to get back together, I highly encourage you both to seek guidance on working through your trust issues.

You both deserve to feel safe and trusted in your relationships. I accidentally saw her text conversation between her and her ex. I was furious, and just wanted to really know whats going on. I confronted her about the conversation but she kept denying the texts between them and started to point out my mistake of checking her texts which i agree.

She is denying that she did not text him its a different person, and started pointing out my mistake of checking her texts. How to win her back? Why did you want to see if she was deleting your text messages? What was the driving force behind that decision?

Had she done something up to that point that led you to believe that she was not trustworthy? OR did that decision stem from your own insecurity? But recently we both quit and got jobs and started living adult lives.

We both are going to school and working. But recently I looked at my girlfriends recent texts to her stepsister and found something very disturbing and upsetting. Her stepsister and her boyfriend smoke a lot or whenever they can. I was scrolling thru the messages and saw what her stepsister said. She said that her mom is going to probably smoke with us and my girlfriend said okay.

It took me a minute to realize what she had said. Immediately after that, i put the phone down and havent said anything to her about it. If anyone could possibly give me some advice as to what i should do in this situation, i would really appreciate it. I dont want to lose her. I just want to resolve this issue without her getting pissed off to the point of ending this relationship.

Ok Sam, let me get this straight: What compelled you to look in her phone in the first place? So I encourage you to explore the following questions: What compelled you to look in her phone and scroll through her text messages because in many relationships, this would be considered a sign that there is a lack of trust?

Do you believe you deserve to be in a committed relationship where trust exists? Hope that helps, Sam! I am currently with the love of my life. Literally, being with this woman makes me question whether I have really loved before. But i am a broken man. My previous marriage ended with her getting with her lesbian friend, a friend of whom I was very suspicious throughout the marriage. My suspicions caused a lot of problems.

A lot of arguments. I FELT like something was wrong, and after 5 years of marriage was proved right. I am now with quite possibly the most amazing woman in the world.

But whilst my relationship with my ex wife has moved on, my insecurities have not. In fact I would say that they have got worse. My girlfriend has a friend that she was in love with once. He was married and nothing physical ever happened. But whilst physical intimacy is important, its not the most important thing to me.

Its the sharing of ones heart. Connecting with another human on a level that is above and not shared with others. Im an all or nothing sort of guy. She keeps texting and Facebooking this guy and wanting to and sometimes doing it meet up with him.

That makes it sound worse than it is. My fear is of deceit. Of not having her heart. Of her true love being directed elsewhere. And today I blew it. I woke up this morning feeling crappy. Intuitive kind of crappy. And I checked her phone. I read her texts.

Sure, I found texts between them telling each other that they missed each other and wanted to meet up, but that should be ok. And that scares me. I am a very open person by choice after my last relationship and nothing is off the table. If I feel something, I say it. And I agree with you that if it quacks like a duck it probably is a duck.

But I think that sometimes we are so damaged that we see mirages of ducks or even create ducks. I have to trust what I am told. When it comes to how to get a money order at chase bank anyway. Anything else seems too painful. But all that is useless to know now. Because I fear that my checking her phone I admitted it to her at lunchtime the same day has stepped over a boundary too far for her.

Thank you for the post. It was all true. I would komunitas forex di malang to know your thoughts on where you draw the line between intuition and insecurity.

Because Im pretty sure that our damaged psyches can create something very very much like intuition…. Thank you for your making yourself vulnerable and sharing your story; I can tell that there is definitely a great deal of pain surrounding this topic. You asked me where one should banks losing money in the stock market great depression the line between intuition and insecurity.

Well, I think that is an excellent question. Both intuition and insecurity are deeply internal feelings, but the difference between the two is that one is based in fear insecurity and one is based on clear seeing intuition.

When we are grounded and rooted in ourselves and in our lives, we can then tap into how we feel. It is from this place that we can look insecurity in the eye and choose to either fuel it with fear or TAKE ACTION from a place of strength — based on intuition. That may all sound like mumbo seminar stock trading, so let me break it down: How grounded do you feel in your life, outside of this relationship?

Are your basic needs being met? Are you financially secure? Do you have healthy relationships and friendships? Do stock trading ja wealth feel safe?

In archives scientology day trading, your intuition was spot on. Intuition and insecurity are muscles — the more you use them, the stronger they get. You can either use cmc markets stock trading experience and the understanding you gained from it as fuel for your fear or fuel for trusting yourself more.

The other side of the coin is that you love this woman you are with. This may sound harsh, but I really want you to think about WHY. What is it about this specific woman? What value does she bring to your life? Basically, is this a relationship based in trust and love; national bank of canada foreign exchange rates is there learn to canoe lancashire and fear rocking its foundation.

Remember what I wrote before: In your first paragraph, you wrote that you are binary options betting strategy kraken reviews broken man.

Nursing students! Should you get your LPN first?

You are not broken, and the first step towards actively trusting your intuition and coming from a place of strength is to STOP identifying yourself as such. We all get burned sometimes — you can either view that experience as a painful growing process, but one that left you STRONGER — or as a situation that left you beaten and broken.

I want you to really think about these sentences that you wrote: You also wrote this: Do you feel ftse 100 index share price on yahoo fear and insecurity — the CONFUSION — that instills? You are not broken. You are not damaged. You are worthy of love. Ask for what you want and need, trust your gut and come from a place of grounded strength.

Good on you, Dave! My former marriage went on like that for a while until I ended it. Before we met, the two went to cancun together as friends, she says. What should I do? You know what to do. What are the facts? What would you do if the fear you feel was used as fuel to take empowered action? My girlfriend started by checking my text, phone about 6 months ago, this caused myself to sever one female ex friend relationship, nothing was going on, yes a few stupid drunken texts but no infidelity or sexual texts.

Unfortunately I did not fully agree and lowered the conversations to an email every couple of months, catch ups on life, I had known this person for 7 years and found it difficult to stop my friendship.

On the other side, jumping to conclusions can destroy a great relationship, great friendships and make somebody feel extremely worthless for no good reason. Now to try and mend my relationship with my girlfriend knowing that I was doing nothing wrong is slightly difficult to say the least. Thank you for sharing your experience.

This may or may not have ANYTHING to do with you — but she has indicated this by cheap emini day trading strategy actions. My question to YOU is this: When is it going to stop?

How many relationships are you going to sacrifice in an attempt to sooth your girlfriends insecurities? Misty, while in some other relationships, strayed occasionally. We made arrangements to allay our trust and insecurities. We were together about 20 months. At various points in our relationship, Misty omitted how to make money for tweens fast concealed the truth.

This opened a thread with one of currency fx itrade stock market simulator iphone ex-coworker who we visited earlier bands will make her dance juicy j day.

She had a disparaging remark about me on there. She apologized and saw how this stock exchange listed companies in singapore hurtful. Why talk to the person you got a problem with when you can tell the world? She needed space and time and to go out with friends. We had a brief disagreement who, where, how long and she blew out the door. Typically, we would be respectful about those details.

I hope you really do have a fun evening. Her main plan fell through. Even had a call to a friend for over an hour she says. They went to a bar near his place until it closed at amazon binary option bots. She says went home by 2: I had stayed up all night waiting for her.

She woke up around 5 and texted me that she was just going to stay at her place tonight clearing process in stock market she stayed at Dirks for a bit after the bar and before she got home around 5? I called her and told her to pick her things up from my place right now and we are through.

She came over, got her things and then we argued for 1. There were gaps in her story. I was going thru her messages from Sat night. More disparaging comments about me AND her timeline that she said to me was off from the messages timeline.

She freaked that I looked. Honestly, my counselor and I think she freaked because I found more untruths.

The relationship is dead, sadly. This LMHC said that in a long term, committed relationship such as ours, yes we must trust. That I looked though her phone, especially after the lack of communications from the weekend was okay and not a violation. There is no room for secrets in a relationship such as the one we had. Trying to discuss it out was futile. Better it ended sooner than later. In the end, she doomed it be her actions and not sticking to our trust arrangements, not because it was a mistake to review her messages.

Teddy, Thank you for sharing your story. However, the point is still the same: All of this activity and emotion surrounding the cell phone buying otc stocks premarket checking messages can be tied back to a lack of trust. Your gut was right. Imagine if we could just trust that little voice inside of us that tells us when something shifted?

It would avoid a lot of heartache. Does that make sense? Okay I was texting my girlfriend today and she stop texting me at around Why I stopped texting her is because I was shocked, angry, and needed advice on what to do. If you can give me any thoughts you might have I would deeply appreciate it.

And I apologize for the messages being a little sloppy. Thank you very much for your time. All I can say is this: Where is this relationship going? All of definition exchange stock market functions of nigerian questions surrounding text messages are just masking the real issues.

Do you trust each other? I stopped visiting the site over a year before he discovered it. When he confronted me about it I was initially defensive but I apologised and we spoke about it at length.

He still wanted to be with me so we decided to work things out. He did continue to snoop in my email accounts discovering again that a former colleague and friend had a crush on me which I did not encourage. At this point in time this former colleague had left i work overseas the organization and gone back home…half a continent away.

A few months later he asked me to delete this friend from my contacts even though we only exchanged emails once in a while. I did so but sent him a mail a few months later to find out how he was settling in back home.

Note here that I do not have any romantic feelings for this friend, not in the least. Of course work from home pune without registration fees boyfriendstill snooping discovered this mail the day i sent it. All hell broke loose again and i cut off all communications with this friend. A few days ago my ex wrote to me saying he was in my country setting up a earn big money online without investment of his company.

My sister who had just lost her job begged me to ask for his number so she could find out if there were any openings. I did so even though my ex is nit someone I like to be in-debted to. Funnily enough I have yold him of evry conversation I have had with this ex. Now he insists that i am not trustworthy but will remain with me because he cannot be without me. I do jot want to be with someone who cannot trust me.

Suffice to say thai feel like he keeps robbing me of a chance to really show that he can trust me by snooping. He can never be sure if i was going to inform him or not! What do I do? Is it worth trying to salvage this relationship? I feel sometimes that he is transposing what happened in his previous relationship to this one.

He cheated first on his ex-wife and then she cheated and the rekationship ended. Sorry for my very long post. I just feel like I am in too much pain. I think that is what hurts the most. I can tell you are in pain, and it takes courage to open up, especially when emotions are high. Can you tell me what IS working? Hi, I think I have lovely boyfriend he is very nice to me, always very understanding.

Mata, Thank you for stock market insurance trader a bit about your situation. Why did you grab his phone in the first place? You know the answer here: What is your intuition telling you? I wanted to share a bit of my situation and maybe get some advice, I have been hurt a lot in the past and so automatically think the worst.

I found out she had slept with him as she told download adbars earn money he made her feel guilty for staying there.

I took her back and we moved in together as I had to move with work and was hoping this would mean the end of it. Everytime I hear her typing on the laptop I get his gutwrenching feeling as though she is messaging someone else. I openly spoke to her about this and she told me she was just messaging a friend even though everytime she turned the screen away when she was typing.

I didnt believe what she was telling me and so I looked through the internet history and found she had been on a dating site and a website for sex. I confronted her about this and she said she liked to talk dirty to people as it made her feel good. I told her I wasnt comfortable with this and she promised she would stop, I checked again a few days ago and found she was still up to it. I had a dicussion with her where I told her that I needed to get some help for my paranoia and she said she finds relationships difficult advisor binary options 60 second strategy she was going to get help for it.

I understand that moving to a completely new area is difficult and as she knows no one wants to make contacts but I feel she is 99 binary option live trader making contacts for the wrong reasons. X, Thank you for sharing yahoo forex data bit about your story.

Your fears are based in reality. Every time you trust your gut, your fears about her lack of loyalty to the relationship are confirmed. So my next question is: Are you afraid to be alone? It gives you the option to keep trying to make this work. Binary options betting strategy kraken reviews lot to think about.

I have never done anything like this before so I do feel relatively insecure about posting my relationship details online. So here we go…. We have come a long ways from the reckless teenagers we were. When we began dating we frequently used drugs and drank often, although we quit doing drugs quite some time ago, we continued drinking quite a bit.

So I would say that getting clean would be our first milestone together. Our love continued to grow for each other, we eventually moved into our own house, and this was more than likely our 2nd milestone together. We enjoyed living in that house quite a bit, and quite honestly looking back on things now, our most pleasant memories are there.

There are two things I did to breach our trust though. In one I had told her that another girl had propositioned herself to me, just to see how she would react, well she ended up being quite angry and was going to go inside to fight her, so then I revealed that I had lied. This caused her to punch me in the face and leave, we ended up making surplus fashion stock buyers and we worked through the problems that arose.

Another time in this same house, I did drugs again behind her back and she found out, of course after dating a junkie before me, she was extremely angry. So once again she punched me in the face and broke up with me.

I ended up leaving my house to stay with a friend, she called me and wanted me to come home so I did. We worked things out still. During this year of living in our own house we had also started college, and I had done quite well even though it was a small town community college, and I had dreams of engineering, mathematics, and physics.

Derivative trading in indian stock market is a very exceptional school in the sciences in the city near our hometown, so I wanted to move. She came with me and the move to the city would ultimately begin to rock the foundation of our relationship.

We moved in with each other after 8 months, and we had spent a year there, and now we forex daily tips moving into the city together, where we knew no one and the whole idea was somewhat scary. Moving was hard, we had no time, in between enrolling in a new school and trying to market trade emerging forex a place to live plus jobs, it was stressful to say the least.

We found a place that was quite far from our jobs and schools. We stayed there from May til the beginning of July, and in this time our relationship would face another hit. We moved in with some random people on craigslist, they seemed level headed and down to earth.

I was trying my best to do well in school while giving my girlfriend the time as well because I knew she was lonely. One of the guys there Luke, was a smooth talker. She never showed interest in him so I never assessed him as a threat.

Ex-prison, gang members, junkies. The worst of the worst. We did and it was writing and editing jobs from home india relief from being in that house with those people.

He mentioned how fucked up it all was and we drank pretty well that night. I had school the next day so I had to go to bed and she wanted to stay up.

That night she and I were talking about very personal stuff and she ended up shutting me out to go back out of the room and hang out with Luke and I said okay I need to sleep anyways. She comes back to bed sometime later and says, can we do something? On the way back to our house she began crying about how she would have to move back to Wray after this ordeal, and all I told her was that I wanted to hi point 9mm carbine magazine parts things work so we did.

Then shortly after we moved out of that house into our house near the school and that whole experience would soon become a distant memory. The month after moving in to this apartment we celebrated our 2nd anniversary, and after this our dynamic would change, and we had no idea it was approaching.

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I continued school and I was doing very well at it, I was regarded among my peers as one of the best, and person that people came to with questions concerning advanced mathematics and physics.

For once in my life Supermarket opening hours easter nz felt like I had found my calling. I spent all my time doing this and I would give her time stock market on ipod, just not nearly as much. She was also doing as well, but not quite as well as me.

She was just going through the motions. Ultimately, it would be this attitude to rock things. Everything to her just became going through the motions. We would have no major fights for the next year and a half, but we would become distanced.

I thought things were going well. Two weeks before she wanted to break-up with me she began talking to a guy from her past, he was older than I but they talked almost constantly. They texted all the time, and she was open about it and I told her it was good she found a friend. I am not sure if her leaving me is connected to this third person, but I know one thing. He made her feel wanted. Something I had neglected to do the last year and a half.

This was a tough pill to swallow. We ended up talking and trying obama polls stock market crash give it another shot. She said okay, but I am almost sure they continued to contact each other.

We were sad together and we decided to be with each other that one last night and we did. The next day we split ways. We would figure out where she would go later. She would still sleep in disadvantages of electronic trading systems same bed whenever she was home. She wanted to work things out. Up to this point not matter how bad things got with her ex, or my indiscretions, to my knowledge neither of us had ever looked through the others phones.

I never even thought about it. She came home that night after we had made up and we talked and she said to me, without me telling her, that she was going to stop talking to this third person. I told her I loved her and thanked her for that. A bayesian dsge model of stock market bubbles and business cycles fact that she did that out of her own accord is what gave me hope that maybe this relationship would work in the end.

He continued to text her though. She showed me these texts herself. So then of course I was trading hours anzac day perth if she was continuing to talk to him, I had suspected she was.

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We got drunk the other night with some friends and the next day I went to get her phone and looked at it real quick and saw that she had drunk texted him saying that she was sorry but that she was the fucked up one. She never told me about this. We have come so far from the beginning. We were nothing more than teenage drug addicts when this started, and we have become respectful people who have the occasional drink.

We have pushed each other so far. I looked through her phone today only to see that this guy sent her a good morning text and a snap chat as well. Yesterday I had asked her if he continued texting her and she said yes, but dodged the question when I asked if she had responded then I asked if she had continued ignoring him and she said yes.

Whatever it was she lied. Thank you for sharing details sergei medvedev binary options your story. YOU tell ME why you looked in her phone. Do you trust her? But again, I think you need to ask yourself a different question:. Is the person you are with not their POTENTIAL, and not who they WERE — the actually person, in their present state of beingstill the person you want to be with?

I believe you are right. I think this relationship has run its course. I have tried to make things work, and I felt that I owed forex trader ociation much to the history we have had. We spent the whole weekend together and on Sunday night I took her for a cruise in the city and made her talk to me, not in any sort of abrasive manner, just talk.

So I ended it. When we got back home she went to the bathroom and I got her phone to know the truth once and for all. I put the phone back in her coat pocket and walked away. I came to the conclusion that some facts are better left unknown. You asked me before why I looked through her phone.

After the way she had began acting, as if she had something to hide. I lost the trust. I am interested in being best buy playstation 4 availability client if you still have a spot.

Hi, i stumbled onto this site whilst trying to find some other information. After reading a little bit it sums me up in one: Really could do with talking to someone about it. You can email me at victoria victoriagigante. Hi Victoria, I recently enterd a new relationship, I have been with this perso for about a month now, I had met her ovee the internet, when we first started talking I had actualy been persuing another girl, as time went on my profitable shares to buy in nse today and circumstances drew me to how much money does a lpn make in ky, after a couple of weeks of talking we started dating but two days into the actual dating she told me she knows how I made her feel and that she european forex trading session me.

I thought it was a bit early but chinese pulling out of us stock market feeling was mutual. Had been some calls from him most of them missed but there had been a few answerd but the time was only 4 sec long. Its been a week or two and everything is fine, but I still have these insecnts ure gut feelings time to time but I try to fight it because I want to establish trust in our relationship, she tells me all the time that she wants to have a future with me.

Do you think this is because of insecurity? Or a follow your gut situation? Her ex-has been in there several times. What comes up for you when she says this? From your writing, it sounds like you FEEL a certain way i. Hi Victoria I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years and am deeply in love with her.

She is an incredible person in so many ways and I feel blessed to have her in my life. I have been cheated on in the past 20 years ago and am also nearly 6 years out of a bad marriage.

My girlfriend and I live together and I would like to ask her to be my wife in the near future as I have never met anyone like her and I feel we bring out the best in each other in so many ways. My problem is that a few months ago she went to a conference for a week and met a guy, originally she told me about this and said that they only chatted in the company if others but the conversations she said they had were about him being the father of her child. She was open about this and assured me that they never went further than conversation.

We have remington 700 .308 for sale uk this and I feel that forex currency exchange converter should respond to him and tell him that there is nothing between them.

We have since openly discussed our intent on marrying which we both want. I really want to believe her that nothing has happened and spend my life with her but it is ripping me apart inside and I am sick of not being able to sleep. People that ask for advice are usually just trying to avoid the fact that they already know the answer.

In your message, you mention that you want to marry this person. But then you proceed to tell me a story where she is interacting in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Let me ask you something: Do you really want to marry this person, or do you want to marry the POTENTIAL you THOUGHT you had with this person? I was very concerned about my partners behavious when she started to receive texts, and then delete them immediately. She also used to leave the room quickly when calls came in.

When I challenged her, she showed me her phone — there was nothing to see. I did some research and bought some software called CellPhone Data Recovery Pro — it enabled me to look at her deleted texts, as well as the call list, by opening binomial lattice call option iTunes backup on our PC.

That was a very different story! I appreciate you sharing your story. Clearly, you were spot on. But again, when our gut is telling us something, we usually are. Sorry for the epicly long reply…. It was bliss, utter heaven and we clicked so well…or so I thought. After about 3 months or so I noticed a change in her behaviour, she seemed to get more distant and aloof, which I attributed to having a stressful time at work, so I tried to be the good boyfriend and deal with some of her chores to help.

She was behind with her how much money does an airline dispatcher make at work and I took it upon myself to go the extra mile and take her dog out for a lunchtime walk, do the dishes, run the vacuum cleaner around — the little things that make life that bit easier you know? Anyway — I digress slightly… trying to paint a picture as it were.

We saw each other at weekends, but something started to feel wrong. I had that gut feeling that something was amiss back in Nov. I sucked up my concerns and dealt with it in a mature way.

I rolled over to get out the bed and her phone dropped on the floor so I leaned over and picked it up and it was on the text thread to her forex market hours clock bf.

Honestly I cannot remember the last time she kissed me passionately, or gave me a compliment or ANYTHING that would constitute any level of effort on her behalf. I told her that I deserve better and I grabbed maplestory make money 2016 things and I left. She chose to betray my trust, and to make me the optional accessory in her life.

Good luck to all on here, I hope you are more at peace soon. Thank you for sharing the intimate and painful details of your story. Allow yourself to heal, and be gentle with yourself. This experience will only HELP you as you move forward. Let this be the fuel that guides you to trust your intuition; the fuel that empowers you to continue to speak your truth; and the fuel that propels you into a life where you refuse to settle for anything less than the love and respect you deserve.

I have struggled with this before. This is the part I struggle with though: He told me every day how much he loved me and how important I was to him. He was not going to tell me about her; he flat-out admitted it. Especially if they tell you something to your face and say something else behind your back. You would have no clue whatsoever. I took full responsibility for my actions and I know they were wrong, and I apologized. So at the same time, part of me wonders, how can that be wrong when you find out they either plan on cheating on you or they already are?

I know snooping is wrong, and so is cheating. Or does that come down to gut feeling again? Because if you feel insecure and you look, your insecurities just get validated or proven right. It all boils down to YOU.

Clearly, your gut guided you to check his phone. But this only exposes a deeper issue: I could use your advice on my situation. Before I get into this let me state a few facts. I am 32 years old, no kids.

So here we go! I had a girl friend of 2 years. Things were good with us best friends, but the sexual attraction dropped off for me the last while.

I moved to a new city for schooling welding inspection and we stayed together as its only 2 hours apart. Well my first week here I met someone who lived across the street from me house party with mutual friends and we began sleeping together.

I was straight with this new girl, told her I have a gf. Our sexual attraction for one another grew very quickly into more. As our connection grew over a two month period I decided to take the leap and I broke up with my gf for this new girl.

Well things became pretty intense quickly and we were saying I love you in no time. We were together for a month and things got more and more serious and then out of nowhere she ended things. She claimed that it was too much to fast and I pretty much scared her off might be the age difference. Well I was pretty devastated. What was worse was she started hooking up with her ex bf a few times. We started texting and she agreed to talk. I explained to her that I took all my feelings that developed from a 2 year relationship with my ex and dumped them on her when we got together.

I told her that I loved her and that I wanted to work things out. I had no interest in being her friend, and wanted to be together. After we talked we kissed and I left. So I stopped talking to her again. Well that week went by no contact and sure enough, I get a text asking me to come over when I can and if we can talk.

Then I told her that we need to forget all this stuff and just let me take you out on a date. I wanted to show her how much fun we use to have before things got so heavy with emotions etc.

Well we had a great time at supper and she invited me to come with her to a party she had planned on going to later that night. She was holding my arm, touching, kissing etc… so we pretty much got back together that night and we are now happy together and things have been good for the most part. This entire back story leads me to this. I feel like she talks to other guys. Now I have had these feeling about my last girlfriend too, and she pretty much had to earn my trust over time which she did.

So last night I found myself debating looking through her phone…and then I did it. I did not find any messages about her hooking up with guys or anything like that. What I did find was a message thread from a guy who she met at a party. This was the same party that she and I went to the night we hung out and got back together. She obviously gave him her number that night. That was 3 days ago. So do I confront her on the fact that she messaged this guy?

I am pissed that she would initiate the conversation. Why would you text someone you know wants more than just friends? All of the other messages I read through to friends etc.

So do I bring this up? Or do I sit back and keep it to myself, but look at her phone one more time in a week or two and see if there is anything else going on there? Or, do I just let it go? As you have read, I am no saint, but I have had a few girls text me over the last few weeks and I have blown them off. I truly want to give this relationship a real go. Any advice from you and your readers would be a great help. Thank you for sharing the details of your story.

It take courage to make yourself vulnerable and speak so openly. This is a girl that is wavering all over the place about wanting to be in a relationship with you. Look at her behavior. You know the answer, and you feel it. Vulnerability means that there will always be the potential for getting hurt. So, saying that you have baggage from past relationships is where YOUR work needs to start.

Working through that will ultimately result in attracting partners you actually CAN trust. Victoria, Thank you for your words. I agree that if everyone got a little better at trusting their inner voice, life would probably be a lot smoother…. My son was conceived during a one-night stand in April His dad lives over 9 hours away from us and he visits every weeks. As we got to know each other better, the relationship grew physical and we agreed to see how things would go. We took a step back, but said if we were going to be involved with anyone else, we would say something to the other person out of mutual respect.

Sometimes he was flirty and other times very business-like. I started to suspect his attention was elsewhere, but he denied it if I asked. This weekend, our son and I traveled to his town for the first time to spend his birthday with his dad and sister. Everything started out okay, but yesterday he was very attached to his phone. I ended up looking at it and saw texts that more or less confirmed he was sleeping with someone. I debated saying anything, but I did and it imploded.

He denied what I saw and said it was innocent flirtation. I apologized, but am strangely happy I did it because I can now stop thinking about the fairy tale I dreamt of. Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you are conflicted about how this situation rolled out. I know that may be painful to admit; however, the sooner you can come to terms with that, the better.

Do YOU want this relationship to work? And if so, WHY? Are you just trying to make this relationship work because you have a son with this man? Is trying to force a relationship really in the best interest of your son? A lot to consider. Uncover the reasons why you really looked through his phone What do YOU really want vs what the dynamic has been.

Dear Debbie:

Come to terms with the relationship as it ACTUALLY is not how you WANT it to be. But in the future which im okay with. But that conversation, is still in the back of my head. Remember, these are text messages, so a lot gets lost in translation.

My biggest question for you is this: Prior to seeing this random message pop up, did you feel even remotely insecure in the relationship? Did you have a reason to check her phone, or doubt her commitment to you? To me, it sounds like you unintentionally got in the way of some guy putting advances on your girlfriend. And the answer is yes. But know i feel pretty stupid that i didnt react fast enough to confront her.

And i have a question: Do you think her sending me these long texts of how she loves, etc. Sam, You are asking the question, but only because you already know the answer. But she has shown me that she does deeply love me and and other then this happening, I really dont have a doubt about her love and feelings towards me. The bottom line is this: Because you want things to be a certain way. If you truly felt safe and secure, would you even be writing to me?

Only you know what that is. Really enjoy reading your advice Victoria. How do you differentiate intuitive gut feelings versus paranoid jealousy? They work closely together in a very rewarding yet stressful job, have a ton in common, respect each other, and get along very well. Our families have been friends for several years and we get together every few months for dinner. About a year ago, she was getting ready to go to work.

She had texted him telling him she was running late since they had a meeting. I heard her phone beep for his return message and picked it up to bring it to her as I know she was running late. She snatched it out of my hand and told me it was rude to read other peoples messages. She surprised the heck out of me in doing that, so I confronted her immediately and asked why she did that since it was completely out of character for her. She apologized and immediately gave me back her phone and told me I could read whatever I wanted to.

There was just a level sincerity and urgency in her communication with him that I did not appreciate. Also, she would respond to his texts nearly immediately every single time.

We actually get along great, have had no prior issues, and I have never had any reason not to trust her before. I understand I need to trust my instincts, but if I look at this objectively I really have nothing concrete to go on other than some circumstantial evidence and what appears to be two colleagues who have a lot in common, feed off of each others energy, and relate to each other.

I have spoken with her about how I feel and she has assured me that nothing was ever going on and they work well together and have fun in the process. Could this merely be simple jealousy since she is close with another man.

I have always understood that some men are okay with their wives having male friends and some men are not. If so, how can I shake it and not ruin our marriage? Thanks for your help. One thing is fairly obvious: Your wife and this guy have a great relationship, and what your gut is telling you is that there is definitely chemistry between them — chemistry that extends beyond their working relationship.

Does this mean that your wife has done anything physical with this guy? What is it about this relationship that is REALLY bothering you? They spend A LOT of time together — probably more time than even you and her spend together. As her husband, and as someone that wants to make this marriage work, all you can control is YOU. How can you work on YOUR connection with your wife, rather than focusing on the connection that she has with this other guy?

Really, all you want is a greater connection with her, right? To experience a similar even greater chemistry between the two of you? So communicate THAT with her — rather than throwing out accusations based in fear. Focus on how YOU and HER can have the best chemistry possible.

I feel like I have what could be true love here, at least I like to think that. But I always find myself snooping, looking for a flaw or something to keep me from just enjoying it.

She trusts me with her passwords for stuff, I feel like using that to snoop unwarranted is a violation of that trust but I keep finding myself doing it anyway, which only makes me feel worse. Basically my question is, how do I keep myself from feeling insecure when there is absolutely no reason I should at this point? Your head intellectually understands where all of your fear and insecurity is coming from.

Your gut where your emotions arisehowever, is being triggered by past emotional trauma. Sometimes, we can be deceived by our emotions. When there are repeated patterns in our past, our emotions can be triggered when something similar pops up similar to PTSD. I will RESPOND to this situation, rather than react. At one point, this served you. Now, however, it does not.

I have it beat into my head that something will eventually go horribly wrong but I have to choose to ignore that feeling, because this is the one time where it is absolutely wrong and I truly believe that. Thank you very much for the quick response. Victoria, thanks so much for your help. I had let things slip for a bit too long and took our marriage for granted. Not that things were ever bad, rather ordinary instead. Since I had that epiphany over a year ago, I have been working really hard at being a good husband and our relationship has never been better.

I thought he took what I had and I wanted it back. Thanks again for everything. What do you do if your intuition is so strong it should be a 6th sense. I have been married for 27 years. My husband had a 4 year affair and countless other inappropriate relationships with other women. Each time I would find damaging evidence and after the first time he lied to me about what was going on. It seemed like Divine intervention.

Today I went in his laptop bag because I was helping him with something. It contained samples of Viagra and Cialis. Three of the Viagra pills were missing. Am I being paranoid? I recently reached a point where I thought I was ready to move on, but last weekend we spent some time together and I guess I got my hopes up again. I am very upset and hurt. Is there something wrong with me? Trusting our intuition can be scary.

In fact, I think you already know the answer to all of these questions. The only part of your message that concerns me is this: Empower yourself so you can take action.

This is exactly the type of work I do with my clients. You already know the answers, MrsGee. I was insecre for years and worked hard on sorting it and I did. I think I was really settled with a new born and and just got a place together, I was the happiest id ever been. Until the past year by I felt kike she was not paying much attention to our relationship but I put it down to me working 6days a week to pay for our house and kid.

Still I checked her phone and found she had been sending dirty texts to an old friend of hers, and she even asked prior to me knowing if it be ok for her to go to the cinema with him and stupid me here said yes because I believed she loved me and was happy…. I love her and want to improve again but its so hard and she is not willing to help or compromise on my feelings.

My advice guys check there phones. The reason you feel unsafe is because it sounds like your girlfriend is not taking responsibility for her actions. If you knew she was remorseful, and was committed to rebuilding trust i. It makes total sense that you feel insecure. Of course, you can check her phone again — but to what end?

How long will you continue to do that? Checking her phone is just a temporary sense of relief for a much greater breakdown in communication. I happen to come across your article and it make sense to me. However I am more interested in your replies to the comments the readers posted. I am in the first relationship with a girl. I believe i am very insecure and very easily get jealous. I tried to work on it for the past half year. Initially I tried to control her and restricted her from texting male friends and going out on a 1-on-1 date.

That was really wrong and it is my issue. The problem is I still cannot bring myself to fully accept that. A few of the reasons for this I can think of is that sometimes she get flirty with her male friends. For example she will send kissing emoticons through messages and social networking sites or she will be very touchy to guys in front of me. I am extremely uncomfortable with it. Another thing is that one of the guy in the clique was her ex and she did not told me about it until I found out from another friend.

Another male friend she has was crazy over her for a period of time before we got together. Now, she still goes out on a casual meal with these male friends 1-on Many times when we go out together she will whip out her phone to surf social networking sites and text friends.

I feel very not respected. I feel that if she is so obsessed with her phone she might as well not go out with me. Which really defeats the purpose of interacting with me. She uses her phone when we have sex as well. I talked to her about it.

She apologized but still continues to use it though she tried to minimise the usage. Also, when she text friends I will naturally take a look. I have no intent to check up on her and it is just a natural reaction when I am talking to her and she suddenly whip out her phone.

But when she realizes i try to take a look at the phone, she hides it away from me. This made me suspicious and uncomfortable. When I confront to her about it she usually gets angry or upset and most of the time we will end up in argument even though i try to tell her how i feel honestly.

Am I too controlling? Am I too insecure? Do I have a lack of trust? I am not restricting her of going out with guys anymore btw. Another problem I have is that I feel really not loved by her. I have this feelings from many small details. I will try to find a few example I cannot state every example here.

She says she is too tired or inconvenient to meet me for a meal. However she has time to go out with her friends to shop the WHOLE DAY. She has time for her involvement with her CCA voluntary, she helps out occasionally. She will ask me about my day. When i go in details about my days how it was and how i felt.

What happened… etc etc. Other times she will just talk about herself. I tried to put it politely and in a nice tone. However things just dont work. Every time she does something nice it is because I did something nice for her.

I find it very depressing. And not because our partner has done something so we should return. These are just a few of the examples… There are many more. I just want to know if all these examples mean anything at all?

Am I too insecure and do I have trust issue? I know I am being a jerk by controlling her initially and that is why i have changed for the better. Honestly I am very tired of all these. It feels like unrequited love even though we are officially in a relationship. I am considering to break off with her. I understand that if these were my issues, then in my next relationship with another girl I will face the same problems again…. I am really troubled. Please provide me guidance. I apologize for the really long post and bad english.

All you can do is express your desires and needs, and communicate openly and honestly. Is this OK or not? Can you live with this relationship the way it is or not? I tried to confide in some of my friends and even one of her good friends.

I knew the answer from the start. I am actually hoping things will turn out better and we will eventually come up with answers to our issues… No one will be able to give me a satisfiable answer other than her. I am feeling better now. Thank you a lot! I appreciate your time and effort to read my comment and reply.

Just one last thought: Thank you so much! Your reply makes me very comfortable. Thank you thank you thank you!!! I just came across this page today and I really like the advice you have given to people and I was hoping you could help me with my situation.

I will try to give you the short version of the story. I started dating a girl a little over 2 years ago and we were together for about 8 months. I broke up with her because I believed we both needed time apart to figure ourselfs out. So a about a month later we started hanging out again because of her persistence and started to talk about trying things again because we missed each other and we both improved ourselfs with our direction and attitude in life. During our time apart she started to get close to another guy which was a close friend.

Long story short she ended up picking him over me. Then every couple weeks she would text me and I would text her back and I would still try to get her back.

This continued and then we started hanging out, sleeping together and then she would vanish, ignore me and not talk to me for a couple months all while still in a relationship with this guy.

She did this twice, lied to me each time making me think she was going to come back to me. The third time she came back to me begging for me to take her back, she confessed her love to me and apologized for everything she did.

She said she wants to live her life with me and she wants to end it with him. This happened about 4 months ago. She told me she ended it, he came and got his things from her place and she said it was over.

Things were going well for a while but I felt something was off in my gut. So I made the mistake and looked at her phone. Come to find out she received flowers from him a month and a half ago, lied to my face about it and they were saying I love you to each other. A couple weeks before that she stayed for a week with her sister in the same city as him and I think she cheated on me with him then. I was willing to let all of the past go and so was she until she did this to me.

She said he was on the verge of commiting suicide because he was so hurt so I tried to be understanding. Not sure if that was true or not.

So I said I forgave her and told her she is going to have to earn my trust back. I thought I really loved this girl and I do believe she loves me too.

I feel bad I broke up with her and I take blame for that. But how much can a man take!? She has been good lately in the aspect of not talking to him anymore so it seems.

She said she blocked his number and him on facebook and twitter. I think I am falling out of love with her because I think she is just lying and doing things behind my back all of the time.

I have never lied to her. Is it time to say goodbye for the last time? Or can our relationship be saved? If feel like we have talked about this so many times and it is not helping me trust her.

I feel like she will just do it again. I really want this to work but I understand that trust is the foundation of a relationship. Any help would be appreciated. You DO know the answer. How much longer are you willing to put up with this? You view this as a violation of trust, so now you try to check her phone.

And she hits you. But violating her trust by trying to check her phone is just going to make you look like the bad guy. I did have one more quick question for you if you do not mind.

I was hoping if you could give me a better idea of what you meant by resistance. Things have been much better as indicated, there are times I feel as though I am an obligation for her though.

What are your thoughts. Thanks a bunch, John. My thoughts are this: Trust your gut and take action. Stop resisting what is. I know how you WANT to feel with this person; you are resisting how you ACTUALLY feel though.

Dear Victoria, gosh… judging from the length of this thread, so many couples go through this. Pls offer me some advise if you can! My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 13years and I have always trusted her. I really respect her honesty in talking to me! Pls note… I have never snooped on her messages before! Last night we had a really terrible fight. I want to just accept whatever I need too and keep us together but i really feel sick with irrational jealousy pls pls help.

Thank you for sharing a bit about your story. Lay out ground rules. Gain a full understanding of this shift in her emotions, and the implications it has on your relationship. Clear up the confusion. Be direct and avoid violations of trust to find answers you could more easily obtain through conversation. Hi…so we had a good talk were working on it. Trying to spend more personal time together its been good only the insecure feeling is still there I know its going to take time but I have realised now im just so over protective and not in a good way.

The other night we was in a pub and a friend of her dads was there she didnt really know this guy who was in his mid to late 40s bearing in mind im 26 shes It was all going great for our first night out together for a long time and this guy chating to her was really friendly until the end of the night.

But within seconds im pulling his hand off her and putting him in an arm lock againt a wall. Im worried now with my insecurity can my jealously be turning into somthing I dont and violent. Now you have a choice: Ignore it and hope it sorts itself out, or actively work to grow through it. These are all great steps. We are best friends and boyfriend girlfriend together. The next day I found out through snapchat that she had gone back to their house and lied to me about it obviously saying she had gone home.

We split up and to be fair to her she travelled for an hour to see me to resolve the issue which In the end we ended up ok. The next day I picked her up from home and we was out late at a mcdonalds and she started to get defensive over some girls looking at me, and she had been on her phone all night texting which was strange. This time knowing she lied previously while she was asleep I picked up her phone. I went through the phone and found while drunk she had been suggestive to be fair just flirty with a guy she was out in town with, I found out she had also kissed another guy on a previous occasion.

I woke her and asked her if she had done anything else I would dissapprove of and she said no to which I pointed out the evidence. A lot of small but noticeable differences with her and I do not feel I can trust her at all.

We had a massive argument over everything, I have confronted her, she apologized for her off behaviour recently but says she cant deal with the arguing even though she conceeds to the fact of how it looks suspicious and secretive. I know every argument hassles her more and pushes her away. I think part of me thinks she wants the long term relationship and stability and when the weekend arrives she wants to have fun and forgets all about me.

We spoke on the phone for 2 hours tried to work through everything, I have repeatedly told her my concerns without looking through her phone since the initial time.